…My buzzword for the last 12 months. Life is certainly full of change and this has never been truer for me than over the past month or so…much has happened since my last blog posting of my 2013 goals.
First and foremost, the biggest change that is happening is the Commit to Fit (CTF) program is ending for me - officially in approximately 4-5 weeks. The reality of it all hit me hard 3 weeks ago and began to settle into my mind once I saw the announcement that DIAKADI and Eating Free were searching for the 5th fortunate applicant/winner for the 2013 program. It is hard to believe that I have been at this almost 1 year. I would never have imagined my life as it is now this time last year. Can I imagine my life this time next year 2014? Yes, I can! I hope to follow in Dave’s (2011 CTF Winner) successful footsteps after my program ends and continue to keep my weight off using all of the tools I have developed - the fitness knowledge from Mike and the nutritional training Sarah has instilled in me. I will continue the work that was started during my year with CTF. I know I will be even more in shape and a fitter and healthier Karl in Feb. 2014. My journey most definitely does not end here…nor should it. My strive to be the healthiest I can be will continue over the rest of my lifetime – one day at a time, one meal at a time. One door closes but another opens bringing a new path for me to explore and travel.
A new door in my career opened last month and I changed positions within the company organization. I have stepped onto a new path. It is a great move career-wise and aligns with goals I had previously set for myself. I am very excited to be in the new position and look forward to proving myself and my abilities to my new manager and teammates. It’s somewhat scary but I am facing the anxiety and the unknown head on. All I can do is my best. One of the best parts of the job change was the shopping experience I had to go on as I needed a new and dressier business wardrobe for my new position because I wanted to look my sharpest possible. For the first time in my adult life, shopping for clothes was not a traumatic emotional experience. Because of my new body and shape, I was able to fit into clothes and look good. I think I may have been a bit crazed with excitement because I splurged like it was Easter, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one festive occasion – new slacks, shirts, socks, suits, belts and shoes now live in my closet. My fat boy pants and 5x shirts have moved to the garage…next stop Donationland. I honestly hesitated before deciding to get rid of all my other clothes because they have been with me for so long, they almost feel like a security blanket for me…familiar to me as they have witnessed all that I have been through being a fat guy trying to survive in a world blinded by the quest for the perfect diet and which thinness is idolized. To help sustain the changes I have made, I kept one pair of pants and one belt as a reminder never to allow myself to get grossly unhealthy again.
With all of this change happening, I have been living mentally between two worlds – basically the world of the old me and the one of the new me. Sometimes I am caught in the middle between the two and feel like I am floating in space. Facing my weight and the changes have proven difficult – sometimes almost too much to handle – yet rewarding. I have had to change my perception of reality and of myself – doing a total 360 in mindset. I had to understand and accept my old self in order to let him go so I could embrace my new ever-morphing self. The more I embrace my new self, the stronger I feel mentally – and this has been one of the greatest rewards I have reaped from all of the change. This has also acted as fuel to keep me motivated and moving forward instead of regressing. The changes just didn’t happen – as the definition states, I had to M-A-K-E them happen – make my life different. Change has never felt so good.