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20 Jun 09I hope that you are enjoying the weekend, and the pretty good weather. I spent the day walking a bit in my neck of the woods, ran a couple of errands, and then helped prepare for an event at the synagogue. It was a lovely potluck (all vegetarian)and everyone I think had a good time. It was a celebratory event, and I allowed myself to take home a slice of chocolate cake. I have not had the slice yet. I thought when I came home that I would eat it, but I thought maybe tomorrow would be better. Or I can throw it away. I'll keep you posted on that. I did get to see my name in print. More on that next week. 21 Jun 09 I hope that your weekend was restful and enjoyable. I've been in a funk all day. It started late last night. I couldn't sleep. I had to be somewhere early, and got up and ate breakfast. I then went to the Civic Center Farmers Market, and picked up some summer fruit. (The peaches are great)When I got home I had some soup and a sandwich. Then I took a nap, hoping that it would get me in a better space. All I did was toss and turn. I could not get comfortable. Then I got up and fixed some dinner. I made some chicken breasts(boneless, skinless), ate some leftover pasta, a salad with fresh spinach, and some raw  carrots. I'm still feeling blue. I hope that when I see my therapist tomorrow afternoon I can get some clarity and move forward. All I want to do is eat, but I know that the "hunger" I am craving is not food. I wish that the hunger would stop. 22 Jun 09 It was a beautiful day today. I got to the gym even though I did not want to work out. When I finished working with Billy, I was doing better. I had my meeting with my therapist this afternoon. It went well. I discussed some more issues that have come up around my relationship with food. I am trying to get caught up on documenting my daily intake. I got behind on Sunday. So I am hoping that I will have caught up by today. I am looking forward to our meeting on Wednesday. 23 Jun 09 I had my morning workout with Billy. It went well. Billy has decided to hold off me wearing the heart monitor for the next two weeks. I was concerned last week when I went to do my cardio and I worked really hard (and sweated a lot) and yet only burned 263 calories. So Billy decided that we should take a break from the heart monitor until Monday, July 6th. Billy will be gone next week, and I will be training on my own. The food is going OK. See you tomorrow morning! 24 Jun 09 Thanks for a great meeting. I went to the movies for the first time in a long time after seeing you in your office yesterday. I then came home and did my cardio in the building gym, and then had a relaxing dinner. I am beginning to feel a bit freaked out about the weekend again. I have myself booked to do way too much stuff and not enough time for me. I think what I need to do is create time for myself so that I can really enjoy the weekend. I usually end up feeling crappy when I do this. I am trying not to put any expectation on the weekend as well. Another report later today. I am grateful for your love and support. 25 Jun 09: I met briefly today with Arthur Slepian. It was nice to talk to him about where he is at in his journey, and to share with him my own. Then I walked over from the Castro to DIAKADI, where I trained with Billy. I will not be training with Billy all of next week because he will be on vacation. So he gave me what I needed to do while he is gone. I was a bit scared about doing it on my own, but when we have been training he has been asking me to go back and do some of the exercises on my own. This has helped me with my confidence in the gym. I then went to a meeting at the synagogue. Luckily I brought a snack with me, which helped me when I got home. 26 Jun 09: I did not want to get out of bed today. I finally got up and got ready to meet a friend. We went for a walk around Crissy Field, and then grabbed a salad at Crepevine. It was nice to spend some time with her. Then I went to the synagogue. We celebrated Pride Shabbat, along with the debut of our new prayer book. It was a very long service, and I did not get home until 11:25PM.I saw my name in print again, since I contributed some blessings and a poem. I would like to share them with you when we next meet. The rest of the weekend is pretty full, so I am trying to figure out how to best take care of myself in the meantime. I hope that you had a productive week, and an enjoyable weekend.

Author: Kevin Johnson, Commit to Fit Winner 2009

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