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Today I was emotionally spent. I lost my cell phone, and that's the way I primarily contact Billy and my bridge partner, Mikki. She was not at bridge last night, and had contacted me on my cell. I got to the gym, and was ready to leave before starting!  It took all the energy I could muster to get to DIAKADI. Billy tried to understand why I was feeling so frustrated. I was ready to cry, and did not want to do that at the gym. But like you, he was gentle with me, and we ended up doing some yoga, which made me feel better. I went to Trader Joe's, came home and had a nice lunch. Laid down for a while, and ate my dinner. I need to give me some slack and be more patient with myself. My cousin called me this evening. We're going to see each other on Saturday. I look forward to talking to you tomorrow. I realized after I went to bed last night (Wednesday) that I had forgotten to email you my daily report, so here is two days worth:

15 Apr 09: Thanks for a great meeting. It really helped me see more about my body and where we as a team will be going. After meeting with you, I went to DIAKADI and gave Billy a copy of the body mass report. He was glad to get the information, and asked me about the photo I had of you (had to tell him I'll show it to you while they are gone to Mexico) I did my cardio and then went to the grocery store. Had a nice dinner and a good evening.

16 Apr 09: I woke up late, however Billy called me and asked if I would be able to see him for training later in the day. I said yes, and took advantage of the extra time by laying down. As the time to leave for the gym got closer, I had a quick bite and then got to my session with Billy. He is preparing me for the time in two weeks when Billy and Mike will be in Cancun working for Atlantis doing their Boot Camps. So he went over what work I am to do on Thursdays. I worked pretty hard today, and am keeping the mantra "I am strong" while working with Billy. After heading to Trader Joe's for more minneolas, I came home for a quiet evening.

I had my friend Avi take me to lunch today. It was nice to spend some time with him. I had the Chicken Caesar Salad (no croutons, dressing on the side, only drizzled a bit of the dressing on the romaine lettuce) with water. He has been such a support for me during the past few months. He just got a new job which he starts on Monday. I then went to the gym and did my cardio workout. Then I went and got my hair cut (kinda short) before going to Shabbat services at Congregation Sha'ar Zahav. I've been telling my friends about how my body is changing,and they have been very supportive. One of them suggested that I take pictures, so that I have a record of the changes I've made. I need to try to do that this weekend. I got my homework from Billy via email today. I will be heading to Alamo Square Park on Sunday. I'll tell you all about it then. I am feeling grateful for the friends I have and the support in my life.

I had a good day. I spent the early part with my cousin and his good friend Rachel. We went to the Cherry Blossom Festival. It was nice to be out in the sun enjoying the wonderful weather. I then came home from Japantown to a very relaxing evening. Tomorrow I am planning to do the homework that Billy gave me. I will give you a complete report on that tomorrow. I hope that you are having a nice weekend.

I had a hard time getting out of bed today. I knew that I had homework that Billy gave me to do, and I just did not want to get up. Finally, I got to Alamo Square Park and enjoyed the beautiful afternoon. I then walked from Alamo Square to the Safeway at Church and Market Streets. I wanted to "cheat" today. I really wanted Fried Chicken. I entered the store away from the Deli Department. I picked up some Chicken Breasts (the Foster Farms chicken was on sale) along with some other items that I needed. I really wanted some ice cream, so I picked up some Fruit Bars, made by Dreyer's. I came home and cooked the chicken with the skin on. The chicken tasted good. (I broiled the chicken) I had broccoli, rice, and a tiny bit of corn. I had one of the bars along with two minneolas. I knew that I was feeling alone, and wanted something to fill that void. I still want dessert. I know that I am trying to change my reward system. I have to remember that I am NOT on a diet, that I am changing my relationship with food. Now after writing this, I feel ashamed, and sad. I wish that I didn't have these feelings. I will be bringing this up with my therapist tomorrow. I also know that I am still at the beginning of my journey.

Today I went to the gym and worked out with Billy. He is showing me what to do while he and Mike are away in Mexico. I had a bit of weird feeling in my shoulder, but it later went away. When I got home, I was getting ready to see my therapist when he called to tell me that he was sick. I wanted to talk to him about the issues that came up yesterday. We were able to reschedule for later in the week. I ended up studying a bit before heading to Bridge class. I think my partner and I did OK. I'm still learning, and have to give myself a break. I am feeling OK right now.

Author: Kevin Johnson, 2009 Commit to fit Winner

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