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Met with Billy for workout at 11:15am today. He rescheduled our workout so that I could see my therapist (Finally!) He says I'm strong... and I guess I'm proving him right. I packed a quick snack and headed to see my therapist. He took his state boards on Monday, and passed. I really missed meeting with him, and shared with him my experiences handling it. We will be meeting again this coming Monday, returning to my normal schedule. The profound thing he said was his belief that I am detoxing from life, since the way I'm living my life has changed dramatically. (He may have a point) For most of the 50 minutes I met with him I cried. As you know, that is my way of coming to terms with intense emotion. It ended up being a good session. Then I met my friend Avi for a coffee at Maxfields. We've been meeting pretty regularly now to talk. It's been helpful to have a friendship where we can be frank and open to suggestion from each other. He had lost his job recently, and was waiting to hear whether or not he got a new one. So we ended up talking about some issues that I have been having around some mutual friends. It helped to hear his perspective and ways to handle these things in the future.

Today I went out to eat twice. I went to Max's Opera Plaza. My friend Leslie just got back from New York City,and got to meet Rachel Maddow! So I ordered a Cobb Salad. I realized after getting it that it was chocked full of stuff I have not eaten in a while. Bacon, avocado, hard-boiled egg. I had not eaten before meeting Leslie, so I was pretty hungry. Granted, I could have made a better choice. So for me it was a learning experience. I did not eat the egg yolks. I know that's no consideration for the bacon and the avocado.

I then went and did cardio at DIAKADI. I had a hard time keeping my heartbeat up for 2 minutes. I ended up doing :30 seconds ramping, then rest for 30, ramping for 30, resting for 30. I stayed on the machine for 37 minutes, and burned 408 calories. I then went home and printed out the sermon I was going to deliver at synagogue tonight. I met my friend Alan at Chow. I ended up getting the Caesar Salad (dressing on the side) with a grilled chicken breast. Tonight I did eat the slice of French bread that came with the salad. I had tea before leaving for services. I was nervous giving the drash, but it was well received by those present. I spoke honestly about addiction in my life (It was Recovery Shabbat), if you'd like, I could send you a copy of it. I remembered when I got home that I had forgotten to forward to you my email from yesterday, hence the double one tonight.

I can't believe that it is the first week of April. My word, has time gone by! I had a good workout today with Billy. He's preparing me for when he leaves for the Atlantis week in Cancun. I am getting a bit more confident each day I'm at the gym. I still have issues looking at myself in the mirror. I see a fat man, not someone who is changing their life for the better. I had a good session with my therapist. We touched on myself image during our session. I know that will be something we will continue to look at in the coming weeks. I had another bad night of sleep. I am still feeling congested. I stayed home from bridge lessons tonight because I had a headache. I hope that by going to bed early tonight tomorrow I won't feel like I do now. The food is going OK.

Today I was able to duck the rain and stay dry. I went to the gym and had a great workout with Billy. His upbeat energy is contagious. I then went to my friend Alan's house to help cook for Passover. Traditionally I make a dessert with matzah called Matzah Crunch. I made a double batch of these matzah pieces with Chocolate and nuts on top of a toffee layer upon the matzah. Today I tasted chocolate for the first time since January 28th. I licked the knife that I used to spread the chocolate over the hot toffee mixture. I was not sure how to count that in the online program, so I said that I had a .25 piece of a chocolate bar. Alan cooked dinner, and made Pesto Cheese Tortellini with steamed vegetables. This day was a bit challenging, food wise, but I felt I didn't go overboard. Tomorrow I will be at Alan's for his seder. He is a vegetarian, so there will not be any Brisket or fish. I will give you a complete report tomorrow evening. I plan on eating a snack before getting to Alan's house.

PS: I found a product called "Gimme Lean"It's like Garden Burger. Should I add it to the pantry or can I use another product? Thanks!

Author: Kevin Johnson, Commit to Fit Winner, 2009

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